


Of Pack Mules and Papered Packages

by NicePumpkinSpice



Series: Of Sweet Memories and Guarded Moments [29]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 04:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3555572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicePumpkinSpice/pseuds/NicePumpkinSpice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evelyn drags Cullen along as she makes the rounds visiting her inner circle to deliver presents.  Sera plays a prank on Cullen in the meantime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Pack Mules and Papered Packages

Once they returned from the hot spring, Evelyn announced it was time to make the rounds. “Make the rounds?” Cullen asked.

“That’s what I call visiting all of my friends. Making the rounds. I like making sure everyone is happy.”

“I thought this was a day off from Inquisition business.”

“Checking on friends isn’t business... it’s fun. Besides, I have a trunk full of presents that I want to empty out. You can be my present carrier.”

“Just what I wanted... a day spent as a pack mule.”

“Such an attitude. No matter. Time to get your first load, Ser Grumpy Ass.”

Evelyn dragged Cullen to her quarters and began to sort through a rather sizeable trunk. “Mages first, I think.” she said pulling out three packages. Then after a moment’s contemplation she added one more to Cullen’s arms. “Varric, too. He’s on the way. Come on, Master Ass.”

“Are you seriously going to call me an ass all day?”

“I can’t call you an ass _all day_. It’s almost suppertime as it is.” Evelyn laughed and took off down the stairs. “Varric first, my dear beast of burden.”

“Bright Eyes, good to see you back. Curly here wanted me to give the book to the Seeker last week, but I wasn’t done yet. I’m putting the finishing touches on it now. Besides it will be more fun for you to see her reaction, I don’t think Curly knows what you had planned.”

_And neither do you. Operation get Cassandra and Varric together is still a go._ “That’s great, Varric. Thank you. I got you something in Valence.” Evelyn winked and handed the dwarf a package wrapped neatly in red and gold paper.

“A gift from her Inquisitorialness? Now I’m feeling awful. I haven’t got you anything.”

“Buy me a drink and tell me a few implausible stories later tonight, and I’ll consider us even. Come on. Open it.”

Varric unwrapped his present and looked puzzled. “Stamps and an ink pad?”

Evelyn grabbed a piece of blank paper, picked up a stamp, and pressed it into the ink. With a triumphant thwack, she slammed the stamp on the blank paper. 

“Is that your best offer, you thieving nug humper?” Varric read still looking confused.

“You spend so much time replying to the Merchant’s Guild by hand. I ordered a set of stamps for quicker responses. Here try one for yourself.” Evelyn pushed the box of stamps toward Varric.

Varric selected a stamp at random, blotted it on the ink pad, and enthusiastically pressed it to the paper.

_Your Carta thugs enjoyed accepting my better coin. Let me know when you actually want to negotiate, you Stone-forsaken bastard._

Varric laughed hard and pulled out another stamp. “Bright Eyes, you may have just made me look forward to dealing with the Guild. Thank you. And Curly, better hold on to this one tightly. She’s a keeper.”

Evelyn bounced with excitement. “I’m so happy you like it, Varric. Come on time to visit Solas, Captain Ass.”

“Commander Ass to you. I’m not about to be insulted _and_ demoted.” Cullen chuckled.

Varric glanced between the two and said, “Never mind. I don’t even want to know.”

Evelyn opened the door to Solas’ study and called out to the elf who was standing on scaffolding and sketching the next panel of his mural

“Inquisitor, Commander, how may I help?” Solas asked while climbing down from the scaffold.

“Solas, I have a present for you.”

“You never cease to surprise me, Inquisitor. Thank you.”

“You haven’t even opened it yet.” Evelyn teased and handed a package wrapped in green paper to the apostate mage. “I know that you don’t consider yourself Dalish, but I thought you would like these. These robes are modeled after those worn by a clan’s Keeper. I thought them appropriate for you, _hahren_.”

Solas smiled at her appropriate usage of the elven term for elder. “Ma serannas, da’len. Thank you. I shall no longer look like an apostate hobo when we are afield.”

“Doling out presents - are you? I hope that you didn’t forget to include something for your dearest friend.” Dorian’s elegant and arrogant voice echoed from the level above Solas’ study.

“Of course I remembered to get Cassandra a present. I even got one for you.” Evelyn teased.

“I walked into that one - didn’t I? In any event, I hope that whatever you brought is suitable for someone as handsome and discriminating as I am.”

Evelyn and Cullen had wound their way up the spiral staircase to the library where Dorian held court.

“A visit from the Inquisitor and her paramour - how novel. Shouldn’t you be yelling at soldiers right now, Commander?”

“I took the day off.” Culled said with slight irritation.

“A sign of the impending apocalypse if there ever was one. And to think I thought the appearance of an ancient Magister and his pet archdemon was to be our only clue. So, my dear Inquisitor, what did you get me? We may not be long for the world if the Commander’s vacation is any indicator. I would so hate to go to my doom with an unopened package hanging on my conscience.”

Evelyn passed Dorian’s gift over to him. 

“It feels like books - that is promising. A guide to enjoying Fereldan ales? You are a cruel, heartless woman.” Dorian said with a chuckle that showed he actually loved the book. He then unwrapped the next book. “Let’s see if you salvage our relationship with your other gift. An illustrated copy of one of Tevinter’s most censored treatises on incorporating magic into lovemaking. Run along now before I get all misty-eyed, you minx.” 

“Incorporating magic into lovemaking? Do mages really do that?” Cullen asked with a slight blush when they were out of Dorian’s earshot. 

Evelyn put her hand on Cullen’s cheek. “Mages are only limited by their imaginations. I have a very active mind if you are ever interested.”

“Maker’s breath...” was all Cullen could sputter out.

“Vivienne, so lovely to see you. I bought you a small gift. I hope you like it.”

“Darling- a gift, how quaint. Are all mages from the Ostwick Circle so sentimental?” Vivienne queried while unwrapping her present. Her haughty features softened when she looked at the parchment in her hand. “An illustrated article on the tradition of the Winter’s End Ball. You remembered where I met my dear Bastien. I may have underestimated you, darling. Thank you.”

Evelyn smiled and then caught the Enchanter completely off guard by giving her a hug. “Yes, well, let’s not go that far.” Vivienne said with obvious disdain.

“I can’t believe you hugged her” Cullen commented once they were back in Evelyn’s quarters.

Evelyn laughed, “It’s fun to throw Madame de Fer off her game. Surprisingly easy, too. She doesn’t know what to do with affection. She’ll be pondering the political implications of that hug until sundown at least.”

“So who’s next?” Cullen asked.

“So Captain Sulky Ass is starting to enjoy his duties?”

“ ** _Commander_**...oh, never mind.”

Cullen couldn't believe he had started to correct the rank of the awful nickname.

“We can take Josephine, Morrigan, and Kieran their goodies.”

“Ambassador, I see your admirer is still bringing you flowers. I can’t compete with that, but I did bring you a little something from Valence.” Evelyn said while handing Josephine two boxes wrapped in gold paper.

“Inquisitor, thank you, you really shouldn’t have. But it would be rude to refuse a gift, so I’ll just open these now.” Josephine said while greedily tearing away the paper.

“They’re chocolates filled with Antivan liqoures. I bought two boxes - one for yourself and the other to share. Perhaps your admirer would like to experience a little taste of Antiva, too.”

Josephine blushed red and thanked them again.

“Josephine has a secret admirer? We need to find out who it is. This could represent a serious break in security if someone can get in her office to leave flowers.” Cullen was launching into Commander mode. “And why has no one informed me? I will need to address this breach with our guards.”

“Hold up there, Lieutenant Alarmed Ass. Josie has been getting flowers and letters for a month and a half. How did you not know? I’ve been gone from Skyhold for two months, and I knew. You really need to work less and talk to people more. Do you seriously not know who it is?” 

“You could at least get my rank correct with the insults. And no, I don’t know who it is.”

“See I was thinking about going with Admiral Alarmed Ass for the alliteration, but I hesistated changing from army to naval ranks. Would that have been preferable? And her admirer is Blackwall. She knows. He knows she knows. And they’re doing some weird Orleasian thing where they pine for one another but never actually date. But it seems to make them both happy, so whatever floats their boat. Aye, aye, Admiral?

Cullen shook his head and said, “Just when I thought Orlais couldn’t get more bizarre.”

“Off to see Morrigan and Kieran.”

“Do I have to go? She makes me uncomfortable.”

“Why? It isn’t the magic thing again - is it? Or her demeanor?”

“No, not the magic or her attitude. It’s the outfit. I never know quite where to look. There’s just so much out in the open. And in front of her little boy, too. Normally I’d just look her in the eye, but hers are yellow and creepy.”

“You’re definitely going out there with me now. This will be good for you. Just look at her eyebrows or talk to Kieran.”

“Kieran is a bit ... off - don’t you think?”

“He’s just an old soul that’s all.”

“How do you even know what to get a woman like her? Newt eyes? Lizard hearts?”

“Apostate jokes. Really, Cullen?”

“Well, she dresses like a witch.”

“Oh, she _is_ definitely a witch. Her mother is Flemeth, you know. I just thought you might have gone with something more original.”

“Flemeth - _the_ Witch of the Wilds is Morrigan’s mother. Hmmm... that actually explains a great deal.”

“Anyway, Leliana let me know what Solona tended to give Morrigan, so I’m just following in the Hero’s footsteps.”

“Inquisitor, I’m pleased you have returned. There is much for us to discuss.” Morrigan said when Evelyn approached.

“Oh, I’m not here on business. No business today. I’m here to distribute gifts.”

“For the love of... I thought I had gotten past such foolish things when the Blight ended, and Solona took off with that Antivan elf. Give it here if you must.” Morrigan said with annoyance.

Morrigan unwrapped the small package to see a gold necklace with a crow pendant. “A fine gift. You have my thanks.” Morrigan said with genuine approval. _Leliana was correct about her penchant for jewelry._ Evelyn thought with relief.

“And Kieran, I got you something as well. I saw that you wear a warden amulet, so I got you a history of the Grey Wardens.”

“Thank you. Mother says my father was a warden.”

“Yes, well, your mother says a great deal, little man.” Morrigan said obviously trying to distract from Kieran’s revelation. “I hope that you’ll be back to business tomorrow, Inquisitor. Corypheus will not be resting I assure you.”

Once they were in the keep again, Cullen questioned Evelyn. “How old would you say that Kieran is?”

“Nine or ten I”d guess. I’m not very good at judging children’s ages.”

“Well, there were precious few wardens in Fereldan ten years ago after the massacre at Ostagar. As far as I know, there was just Solona, Alistair, and some Orleasian chap that died falling off a dragon. You don’t think Kieran is the King’s bastard?”

“The Bastard King’s Bastard? You’re making up stories that would cause Varric to raise an eyebrow. She probably just told him that, so he could have a heroic ideal for his absentee father.”

“Maybe...but the timing is suspicious.”

“You’ve earned a new name, Commander Conspiracy.”

“You left off Ass,” Cullen retorted with a smirk.

“It didn’t flow. If you have recommendations, I’m listening.”

“So we’ve got Blackwall, Bull, Cole, Sera, and Cassandra remaining. You didn’t get Leliana anything?”

“I got her shoes in Valence. She didn’t want to wait for them. Even wore them out of the store.”

Evelyn and Cullen gave Blackwall, Cole, and Bull their presents next. The faux warden was thrilled with the wood carving tools that Evelyn gave him. Cole was so excited by his new hat that he began talking to it and forgot to thank Evelyn. And Bull clapped her on the back so hard in thanks for the Maraas Lok, a Qunari alcohol, that Evelyn actually gasped for air.

“Sera’s next, but she isn’t in her room. I didn’t see her in the main keep either. Let’s head to the dungeons.”

“The dungeons? We don’t have any prisoners at the moment. What would she be doing down there?”

“We may not have prisoners, but we still have guards. And Sera is sweet on one of them.”

“What man has caught her eye?” 

“You’re joking- right? A man would be as likely to catch her eye as a woman would Dorian’s. She has a crush on Corporal Asala.”

“The Qunari? She’s enormous.”

“The bigger the better according to Sera.”

“Good grief...”

“Wait, let’s knock in case things are going well between them.”

“A guard should not be cavorting while on duty.” Cullen said with annoyance.

“You said yourself there were no prisoners. Come on, I heard someone saying to go in.”

“Corporal Asala, report.” Cullen barked while Evelyn looked around expectantly.

“All is well, sir. Quiet rotation, but we are ready for prisoners, sir. May I help you with something?” the Qunari answered in a clipped Marcher accent.

“You wouldn’t have seen Sera by chance?” Evelyn quizzed.

“Not when I’m on duty, ma’am. I did see her earlier today. She said she was planning some morale boosting exercises and wondered if I knew when the two of you would return.”

“Thank you, Corporal.” Evelyn said while turning quickly and nearly running out of the dungeon.

“What’s the rush?” Cullen asked while jogging to catch up with Evelyn.

“Morale boosting is Sera’s code for pranks. She is either doing something to your office or my room. Since we’ve been in and out of my quarters, I’d guess it’s your office that is her target. And if she needed a timeline for our return, it is likely an elaborate gag. Maker, I just got your office clean, too.”

Evelyn and Cullen simultaneously broke into a full run across the courtyard. When they made it up the stairs and outside Cullen’s office, Evelyn motioned for him to stop. “We’d better listen at the door. You know how she loves bees.”

“She wouldn’t dare.” Cullen argued.

Evelyn put her ear to the thick door. “I can’t hear anything, but that doesn’t mean that it is safe. Let me put up a barrier before we go inside.”

Cautiously, Evelyn opened the door and stepped inside. “No bees or other insects. The office looks okay.”

A snort and nasal snicker alerted them to Sera’s presence as she slid down the ladder from his room. “Wondering what I did to his office - aren’t cha? I didn’t do anything to your Cully Wully’s center of the empire, but the Inquisition needed a new standard.”

“Sera, you didn’t put his smallclothes on the flagpole - did you?” Evelyn said in horror.

“That was my original plan, but they were too plain. No one would know for sure they were his. No - I went for something that screams Commander Tight Ass.”

_”Commander Tight Ass” -why was I trying to improve on a classic?_ Evelyn mused. “Sera, this flag better not be what I think it is.” Evelyn warned while opening the door to look at Skyhold’s tallest flagpole. As Evelyn suspected, Cullen’s red mantle was flapping in the Frostback’s wind.

Cullen followed Evelyn’s gaze and started laughing. “It can stay up there for all I care. That fur itches my neck. Josephine may be angry, though. She’s the one that picked it out.”

“I like that coat.” Evelyn said quietly. “The fur is fluffy and soft.”

“Well no one ever was intimidated by a warrior’s fluffy pauldrons, Evelyn. It’s a pain to get blood out of that fur, too.” Cullen commented while saluting his own coat.

Sera joined in mock salute, “You’re alright, Commander Not Actually A Tight Ass. I hear you’ve been giving out presents, Inky. What did you get me?”

“I’m not sure you deserve it now.” Evelyn groused still upset about the location of Cullen’s coat.

“Aw, don’t be Lady Tight Ass. Come on. Be Her Gracious Ladybits, and give me my present.”

“Fine. But no more coat kidnapping.” Evelyn said while handing over the present wrapped in yellow plaidweave cloth.

“Whattizit?” Sera asked without opening the present.

“Open it, you goof.” Evelyn countered.

“How will I know if I’ll like it if you don’t tell me what it is?” Sera argued.

Evelyn pinched her nose and replied, “It’s a cookbook full of cookie recipes. I thought we could try different recipes for our rooftime.”

“Aw, see it’s good you told me. If I’d opened that I would have cried, and then I would have had to punch you.”

“You’re welcome, Sera.” Evelyn gave the elf a quick hug and exited Cullen’s office. “Just one more person, and we’ve made the rounds, Cullen. How are you holding up?”

“This is actually more fun than I anticipated,” Cullen admitted. “So you do this every day?”

“Well, I don’t bring goodies every day, but I do try to check on everyone. This has gone very smoothly. Usually, I can’t make the rounds without at least one person telling me off, sharing a personal crisis, or asking for something.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?”

“Sometimes it does, but most of the time I’m glad to have friends that need me. They help me as well. I’d be dead several times over if it weren’t for each of them, and I never would have worked up the courage to approach you without their goading.”

Cassandra wasn’t sparring or assaulting practice dummies, so Evelyn and Cullen went to the armory to find her. When she saw the Seeker sitting at a table and staring at the book from Lord Seeker Lucius, Evelyn told Cullen that it looked like their streak of easy present drop offs had ended.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry/not sorry for the "old soul" gag about Kieran. Evelyn had no idea how close she was to the truth with that observation.
> 
> Also I had to throw in Morrigan's line "A fine gift. You have my thanks." from DAO. I present-spammed her and my other party members. Well, most of them. Oghren never got any of his booze because I'd kept that for use in Awakenings. #metagaming


End file.
